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Poetic Musings: Collection of Love Poems

As seen in the February Issue of Main Street Magazine/Poetic Musings
Printed in Canada under ISSN: 1920-4299
To find out how to receive your free copy check out www.mainstreetmagazine.net

Collection of Love Poems

Never Have I Fallen
Your lips speak soft sweetness
Your touch a cool caress
I am lost in your magic
My heart beats within your chest

I think of you each morning
And dream of you each night
I think of your arms being around me
And cannot express my delight

Never have I fallen
But I am quickly on my way
You hold a heart in your hands
That has never before been given away
- Rex A. Williams -

A White Rose
The red rose whispers of passion,
And the white rose breathes of love;
O, the red rose is a falcon,
And the white rose is a dove.
But I send you a cream-white rosebud
With a flush on its petal tips;
For the love that is purest and sweetest
Has a kiss of desire on the lips.
- J B O'Reilly (1844-1890) -

A Wish
I lie on the ground,
and stare into space,
the stars start to move,
into the shape of your face.

I see you there now,
looking down at me,
with that cute little smile,
that I like to see.

You say "close your eyes",
"tell me what you see",
I see only two people,
just you and me.

We're walking the shoreline,
with our feet getting wet,
the horizon turns pink,
as the sun starts to set.

We make love through the night,
on that white sandy shore,
then I hold you while thinking,
I could want nothing more.

Oh I wish I could be,
in that one special place,
as I lie on the ground,
and I stare into space...
- Randy Schutte -

QUICK TIPS FEBRUARY

© Copyright, 2011 Main Street Magazine/Rain Enterprises

As seen in the February Issue of Main Street Magazine.
Printed in Canada, ISSN: 1920-4299 by Rain Enterprises
To find out how to receive your free copy of MSM
check out www.mainstreetmagazine.net

His and Hers Ideas for Romance

By Janice Collins for Main Street Magazine

Marriage is not a noun; it's a verb. It isn't something you get. It's something you do. It's the way you love your partner every day. -Barbara De Angelis

Romantic Ideas for Men

Draw her a warm bubble bath. Wash her back (& everywhere else). Take your time. Then towel her dry and carry her off to bed.
Give her a full body massage without expecting anything in return. You’re sure to get your reward the next night!
Little things go a long way. Hold her hand, link her arm through yours while you’re walking together, place your palm on the small of her back when standing beside her. Those tender gestures won’t go unnoticed.
Brush her hair at night. This can be very sensual. Be sure to use a brush, not a comb. And don’t pull. Be gentle. If you encounter a tangle, hold the hair above the tangle, then work it out.
Tell her you love her. Seems obvious, but many men overlook this. Women like to hear it. Often. Make her an audio tape and secretly slip it into the cassette player for her to find.

Romantic Ideas for Women:

Do something different. Instead of a massage, graze your nails lightly down his bare back (if you have good nails). It will send shivers of pleasure through his body.
Let him pick one fantasy a month for you to fulfill. Make up a list for him to choose from (that way the fantasy will be something that you’re not opposed to). Then plan it out as an official “date.”
Have some sexy (but tasteful) pictures taken and give them to him as a gift. It’ll be something unexpected and special–meant for his eyes only.
Personally write him an erotic story. He’ll see a new and exciting dimension to you after that.
Put on some sexy clothes, turn on the music, then slowly strip the clothes off layer by layer while he watches.

Quick Tips for Writing Love Letters

Be in a good mood when writing a love letter. Never try to write a love letter when you're in a bad mood, not only will it be more difficult to write, but your bad vibes will make their way into the letter.

Write a love letter anytime. Don't wait for a special occasion to write one. Anytime you want to spice up your relationship is a great time for a love letter.
Your love letter should look appealing. Fountain pens look nicer than ball point pens. Plain paper is fine, but try to choose a better grade of paper stay away from lined paper or paper with lots of designs printed on it.
Think about why you're writing. Do you want to say you had a good time, are you asking for a date, are you expressing your affection, do you want to know how they feel about you or do you want to say I miss you?
Always hand write your love letter even if your writing is sloppy. Never type it unless your handwriting is truly illegible. Don't underline or write any words in all caps; it's like yelling.
Only say what you really mean. Don't make promises you can't keep and don't write anything you may regret later. Once the letter leaves your hands there is no guarantee it will stay private.
A one page love letter is great. Love letters aren’t meant to be long. As you get more comfortable, your letters may get a little longer but don't write a book.
If you're writing an erotic lover letter, talk about yourself as well. If you wish to arouse you can write about how hot, wet, positions and lingerie.
Re-read your love letter to make sure it says what you mean. You may want to write a rough draft first.
Use a thesaurus to find unique romantic words for your love letter, such as:

~ Openers – Dear, Dearest, My Love, Dearest Love, My Beloved, My Sweetheart, My Darling, My Sweet, Darling

~ Middle – cherish, idolize, embrace, hold dear, adore, caress, desire, fondle, fascinate, passion, smitten, enchanted, captivated, treasure, stroking, touch, infatuated, precious

~ Endings – yours sincerely, with love, all my love, truly yours, love, till we meet again, your sweet peach

All About Sex

Sex Toy Quiz

How much do you know about sex toys?
Sex toys seem to be everywhere these days (you know they’re mainstream when Martha Stewart is talking about her favorite vibrators). And while it’s easier than ever to buy a sex toy, finding straightforward honest information about sex toys can still be tricky.

Phthalates are:
1. a) Scent oil molecules used in sex toys to give them artificial smells like strawberry or cherry.
b) A chemical compound used to soften hard plastics into soft rubber and jelly.
c) The viscous compound added to lubricant to keep it slippery.
d) Bacteria that can live on the surface of a dry sex toy.

2. True or False: The more you pay for a sex toy the better it is
a) True
b) False

3. Which vibrator was purchased by Charlotte on Sex in the City and resulted in her disappearing for the rest of the episode?
a) Jack Rabbit
b) Japanese Rabbit Pearl
c) Hitachi Magic Wand
d) Japanese Pocket Rocket

4. The world’s first sex toys were:
a) Hollowed out boxes filled with bees that would vibrate.
b) Metal balls used for vaginal insertion.
c) Bone carved anal beads.
d) Stone carved dildos.
e) Textured papyrus sheets used for clitoral stimulation

5. Which two things are necessary for an anal sex toy to be safe?
a) It must have a gradual increase in size and a flared base
b) It must be made of rubber and have no seams or sharp edges
c) It must be small and soft rubber
d) It must have a flared base and have no seams or sharp edges
e) It must be hard plastic and curved

6. Which of the following should not be used with silicone sex toys:
a) Water based lubricant
b) Oil based lubricant
c) Silicone based lubricant
d) Warming massage lotion
e) All of the above

7. According to a report by the Danish Environmental Protection Agency, how often can you safely use a dildo containing phthalates, providing you are not pregnant or breastfeeding?
a) 1 hour per month
b) 1 hour per week
c) 1 hour per day

8. True or False: Sex toys make sex less natural
a) False
b) True

9. True or false, you can become addicted to your vibrator?
a) True
b) False

10. According to most survey research, what percentage of the adult population has used a vibrator?
a) Less then 10%
b) 10-20%
c) 20-30%
d) 30-40%
e) More than 50%

ANSWERS
1. The correct answer is "b". Phthalates are a chemical compound used to soften hard plastics into soft rubber and jelly. Derived from Phthalic acid, and often called a plasticizer for its plastic softening properties, phthalates have been produced since the 1920’s and have been used in everything from perfumes to pesticides and, of course, sex toys.

2. The correct answer is "b". In many stores more expensive vibrators will actually be better quality, but there are still sex stores that engage in “premium pricing” where they charge more simply to make you think the product is better quality.

3. The correct answer is "b". The buyers on the show must have known their stuff, since the toy Charlotte purchased was the Japanese Rabbit Pearl one of the most popular and well built dual actions vibrators in the business

4. The correct answer is "d". In 2006 archaeologists excavated what is now the oldest sex toy artifact, which was a sculpted and polished phallus that was representational in size and shape, and dated to be 28,000 years old.

5. The correct answer is "d". While all those elements might be desirable, for an anal sex toy to be safe it has to have a flared base and no seams or sharp edges

6. The correct answer is "c". Water based, oil based, and warming lotions are all safe to use with silicone sex toys (water based lubricants are the most recommended to use with toys). But most silicone lubricants will damage silicone sex toys.

7. The correct answer is "c". According to the Danish EPA, you can safely use a sex toy with phthalates for 1 hour per day, as long as you are not pregnant or breastfeeding.

8. The correct answer is "a". The idea of “natural sex” is arbitrary, particularly if you're talking about non-procreative sex that’s just about sexual pleasure. Good sex, natural sex, is anything that makes you feel good and that is consensual. Using sex toys is no less natural than listening to music while you have sex, or creating mood lighting for a romantic evening.

9. The correct answer is "b". It’s true that people can become used to using a vibrator, and may get into a sexual rut where they only use a vibrator, but it doesn’t constitute an addiction.

10. The correct answer is "c". The correct answer is between 20-30%. Mind you there has been almost no reliable academic research on sex toy use, so most of the data we have comes from surveys by women’s magazines and sex toy companies themselves, neither of which are completely reliable

© Copyright, 2011 Main Street Magazine/Rain Enterprises
As seen in the February Issue of Main Street Magazine.
Printed in Canada, ISSN: 1920-4299 by Rain Enterprises

To find out how to receive your free copy of MSM check out
www.mainstreetmagazine.net

A NOVEL IDEA

As seen in the February 2011 Issue of MSM

Proudly Canadian, ISSN: 1920-4299

Irrational Behavior

By CURTIS SITTENFELD

Maile Meloy called her first novel “Liars and Saints,” but there was a fair amount of evidence she was being ironic, at least about the saints part. There was also a fair amount of evidence that Meloy sympathized with the sinners, an impression reinforced by the title and contents of her new story collection, “Both Ways Is the Only Way I Want It.” Almost all her characters are flawed: lawyers, Montana residents, unfaithful spouses, rich and eccentric older women, young women who are close to their fathers in nice as opposed to creepy ways, and multiple combinations thereof. They are people who act irrationally, against their own best interests — by betraying those they care about, making embarrassing romantic overtures and knowingly setting in motion situations they’d rather avoid — and Meloy’s prose is so clear, calm and intelligent that their behavior becomes eminently understandable.

Beth, a recent law school graduate who appears in the first story, “Travis, B.,” is teaching an adult- education class on public-school law in Glendive, a small town on the eastern side of Montana. The problem is that she lives and works a nine-and-a-half-hour drive west, in Missoula. “I’ve never done anything so stupid in my life,” she tells Chet, a ranch worker in the class, about having accepted the teaching position, which she did out of anxiety over her student loans. Twice a week, Beth leaves her Missoula law firm at midday, makes the drive, teaches the class that evening, then turns around and spends the night driving home.

“There are deer on the road, and there’s black ice outside of Three Forks along the river,” she explains to Chet, who has quickly developed a crush on her. “If I make it past there, I get to take a shower and go to work at eight. . . . Then learn more school law tomorrow night, then leave work the next day before lunch and drive back here with my eyes twitching.” The bizarreness of Beth’s situation is matched by its plausibility; a kind of banal, daily desperation animates many of Meloy’s characters, including Chet, who first shows up in Beth’s classroom not as a real student, but as a lonely person who on a random night happens to stumble into the school because it’s one of the few buildings in town with its lights on.

While the American West is clearly close to her heart, Meloy — who is 37, grew up in Montana and now lives in Los Angeles, and has won prizes from The Paris Review and the American Academy of Arts and Letters — bravely plunks down her characters in a wide range of times and places, including a 1970s nu clear power plant, an East Coast boarding school and Argentina. All these settings are equally convincing, granted verisimilitude by Meloy’s eye for the casually perfect detail: the knee-to-nose stretch, performed while lying in bed beneath a Charlie Parker poster, that a boarding-school girl learns from her roommate; the party in Buenos Aires where an appearance by the Prince of Wales sends the guests into a frenzy and a woman’s pearl necklace breaks and scatters on the floor. Meloy does her research — either that, or she’s lived many lives — but it never feels as if she included information just because, by God, she spent time unearthing it and now wants to make use of her hard work. Rather, she includes tidbits about, say, the playing cards used in raffles at the nuclear power plant because they’re organic to the stories.

Though it might seem strange to praise a writer for the things she doesn’t do, what really sets Meloy apart is her restraint. She is impressively concise, disciplined in length and scope. And she’s balanced in her approach to character, neither blinded by love for her creations, nor abusive toward them. In an allusion to the collection’s title, a character wonders near the end, “What kind of fool wanted it only one way?” The person asking this question is a man considering leaving his smart, appealing wife of 30 years for the much younger woman who gave swimming lessons to his now-grown children. Such a man isn’t particularly likable — in fact, the opposite — but it’s a mark of Meloy’s evenhanded character development that you find yourself agreeing with him, thinking, Yeah, what kind of fool? In the end, everyone in these stories retains at least a sliver of humanity, whether it’s an 87-year-old who in her youth cheerfully appeared in movies under the Nazi studio system or a father who wordlessly offers his teenage daughter as sexual enticement to persuade a plaintiff to remain in a lawsuit.

Meloy’s restraint also comes through not in the way she plots stories, which is boldly, but in how she chooses to reveal her plots, delivering shocking twists in as low-key a manner as possible. In “The Girlfriend,” the fact that the protagonist’s daughter was murdered is revealed in an aside. In “Two-Step,” Naomi, a medical resident, talks to her friend Alice about Alice’s suspicion that her husband is having an affair; and though the story is told from Naomi’s perspective, it doesn’t become clear until nearly halfway through that she’s the one with whom the husband is cheating. Meloy drops this bomb understatedly, noting of Naomi that “she had told her husband that she was leaving him, with the understanding that Alice would simultaneously — or at least soon — be told the same thing. It had been a difficult week.”

Thanks to Meloy’s spare, subdued style, the death and infidelity running through these tales don’t take on as grim a tone as you’d expect. Only one story, about the murdered daughter, really makes you want to slit your wrists; and, indeed, a wry humor appears regularly. An Argentine aristocrat observes that another man “was a bore; not even failure could make him interesting.” Or, as one wife tells another, “the whole soul mates idea . . . is really most useful when you’re stealing someone’s husband. It’s not so good when someone might be stealing yours.”

Meloy is also the author of two inter connected novels and an earlier collection, “Half in Love.” Personally, I prefer her stories — “Half in Love” is wonderful too — but she’s such a talented and unpredictable writer that I’m officially joining her fan club; whatever she writes next, I’ll gladly read it.

Fashion Sense

"How to Dress and Flatter Your Inverted Triangle Body Shape.
Let's Create More Curves!"

The best Inverted Triangle Body Shape fashion advice and styling do-it-yourself styling techniques. You'll find everything you need to know about bringing out the best in your slightly athletic body shape, from how to flatter your wide shoulders to creating more curves around the hips and thighs to create a proportional silhouette.

So What Does it Mean to Have an Inverted Triangle Body Shape?

It means your shoulders and bust part are wider than your hips.

Your probably have strong shoulders and narrow hips.

An "Athletic" Body Shape

You're known for having an athletic-looking body shape! Your frame is quite common among catwalk models. And often your type of shape comes with nice, lean legs :)

Celebrities known to have an inverted triangle body shape: Reneé Zellweger, Naomi Campbell, Teri Hatcher, Demi Moore

How to Dress Your Inverted Triangle Body Shape

Your main goal when putting on clothes should be to add volume and width around your hips. This creates a balanced, hourglass shape.

However your wide shoulders are definitely a great body asset, so don't be afraid to show them off! More on that further down this page.

Let's take a closer look at how you can create a flattering look on your shape!

· Add volume and width around your hips and down. I seriously don't like the fluff Naomi Campbell has put on her upper body (it's such a hideous layering), but you might want to take a look at her jeans. Those flared pants will help balance out your shape.

Other bottoms suited for your body shape: Flare pants, wide leg jeans, A-line skirts.

Tip: Are you a petite size? Then make sure you wear something tailored and fitted on top with flare/wide leg pants. The flare/wide leg + layering combo Naomi Campbell's wearing suit taller women best.
Proud of your beautiful shoulders and want to create a trademark? Then accentuate them!

However avoid overdoing it as it can make you look stick-figured. Balance the look.

· If you look at Teri Hatcher (the woman on your right left), you can see how she pulls it off. She emphasizes her upper part with white, but at the same time she draws attention to her breasts (maybe her best feature?) and the center of her chest. Her dress also has a subtle flare at the hemline. She also adds self-confidence into the mix :)

Best Clothes for Your Inverted Triangle Body Shape

· Your narrow hips and legs are primed for all kinds of pants! Examples are gauchos, harem pants, cargo pockets etc.

· However if you're wearing skinnys or anything that is slim-fitted, make sure you wear something that minimizes your upper part a little bit (like a solid, dark colored sweater) on top and a pair of bright colored (or anything eye-catching) shoes to balance the look.

Full and flaring skirts. Such as A-lines skirt, circle, balloon, etc. anything that flares around the hemline and create more curves around your hips.

Long tops, shirts and sweaters that nip at your waistline or flare out from your waist or bust. Examples are tunics and belted cardigans. It creates curves around your waist and down.

Tip: Petite or/and full-figured? -- Then take extra precautions when wearing long tops/sweaters/jackets as they can make you look shorter and add width around your hips. However, you can try wearing a regular length top (falls right above your hips) with a dark colored belt around the waist.

Belted coats. Choose coats with minimal designs at top and that flair out from the waist.

Bright-colored or eye-catching shoes. These are sure to grab attention to your lean legs.

Low U and V-necks. These will vertically slim down your chest and make it look leaner.

Dresses that are fuller at hemline/cinch your waist/flares out from your waist as they'll add more volume on the bottom, balancing your body shape.

Large straps. Have in mind that if you attempt to wear thin straps then you'll automatically broaden your shoulders by making your shoulders look bigger in comparison. So if you want to achieve a proportional body shape choose larger straps.

Imagine an hourglass shape. Now in your head try to merge your inverted triangle figure with that shape. See the lack of width and flesh around your lower half compared to your shoulders? That's your main focus -- adding more volume and attention to your hips and thighs to stay in proportion with your lower body part, or of course, minimizing your shoulder to keep them in line with your hips.

As seen in the January Issue of Main Street Magazine.

Printed in Canada, ISSN: 1920-4299 by Rain Enterprises

To find out how to receive your free copy of MSM check out

www.mainstreetmagazine.net

Ancient Mystic

Yemaya, Goddess of the Ocean and the New Year

They call her the goddess Yemaya,

Ymoga (Mother of the Fishes), Iamanga, and Balianne. She traveled with them from Yoruba to distant lands, comforting them in the holds of the slave ships that took them f

ar away from their homeland in Africa. Today she is also celebrated under many other names, including the virg

in Mary (Our Lady of the Immaculate Conception), Stella Maris (Star of the Sea), and Our Lady of Regla...to name but a few.

Originally Yemaya was a river goddess of the Yoruba in Nigeria, far from the ocean. She was a nature spirit, an orisha, a powerful guardian spirit that reflects an important aspect of the God of the Ife religion. An orisha manifests itself as a force of nature. When her people were hoarded onto the slave ships, Yemaya went with them, thus becoming

the Goddess of the Ocean.

Actually Yemaya shares responsibility for the ocean with another orisha. Okolun rules the dark and turbulent

depths of the ocean. Her domain is the upper level, the part of the sea that the light strikes, where water evaporates to be carried to land by her daughter Oya (the wind) to make rain for the crops. Yemaya's gentle waves rock the watery cradle of the abundant life forms of the sea.

Yemaya is a mother goddess, the goddess of home, fertility, love and family. Like water she represents both change and constancy--bringing forth life, protecting it, and changing it as is necessary.

In the creation myths of the Yoruba, the creator Olodumare first created a mortal god-human, Obatala, and gave him a wife. Their children were Yemaya and Aganyu, who had a son together. They named him Orungan. As a teenager Orungan rebelled against his father and brutally raped his mother.

When he tried to rape Yemaya a second time, the river goddess fled to a nearby mountaintop

where she cursed her son until he died. In sorrow she chose to end her own life on the summit of the mountain. As she died she gave birth to fourteen powerful orisha. When her waters broke it caused the great flood that inundated the world and created the seven seas. Obafulom and Lyaa, the first human male and female and the ancestors of all humans, arose from the bones of the goddess. According to legend, Yemaya is the mother of all life.

According to legend, Yemaya's first gift to humans was a sea shell in which her voice could always be heard. To this day we honor Yemaya when we hold a shell to our ear in order to hear her voice, the ocean.

Olokun, the orisha of the bottom of the sea where the light does not shine, inspires respect and fear, for the powers of destruction that can be unleashed from the ocean depths are vast.

In The Secrets of the Sea, Gloria Rolanda tells of a time that Okolun, feeling unappreciated, decided to punish mankind:

At his orders, immense waves began to invade the land...the ocean swelled up, darkened, infinite, and people who lived furthest from the coast saw, terrified, a horizon of water mountains running towards them.

Fortunately Yemaya was able to calm the fury of Okolun just in time, and the wave settled gently into the shore, leaving mounds of coral and pearls when the water receded.

Olukun demands respect for his ominous power that is unbounded, but it is Yemaya that is associated with creation and with life itself. When each of their dual aspects, (such as male and female, power and compassion) is held in proper balance, these two orisha unite to offer enormous gifts and unlimited energy.

Often depicted as a mermaid, or simply a beautiful woman standing amidst the waves, Yemaya is a goddess of comfort and inspiration. When it comes to caring for others, her impulses are sincere and comforting. And she has a love for children that is unequalled.

Yemaya reminds us that ev

en the worst catastrophes can be endured and that, with her help, we can learn to negotiate the ebbs and flows of change in our lives with her wisdom, courage, and

grace.

As seen in the January Issue of Main Street Magazine.

Printed in Canada, ISSN: 1920-4299 by Rain Enterprises

To find out how to receive your free copy of MSM check out www.mainstreetmagazine.net

Gizmos & Gadgets

Hostess Gadgets for the Holidays

Tools for fun & festive entertaining...

The holidays are almost here and soon it’ll be time to eat, drink and be merry! Here are five great gadgets that’ll make entertaining over the holidays a breeze.

Everyone loves chocolate fondue and it’s never been easier to serve, and keep warm, than in the Dessert Electric Dip Tray by T-fal. There’s no need to search around for a tea light and match since the chocolate melts directly in the ceramic pot. Put biscotti and fresh cut pieces of fruit in this compact tray and you’ve got a festive dessert that will have your guests grinning with delight. Also great for keeping appetizers like a spinach and artichoke dip or cheese dip warm.

$49.99 at The Bay,

Home Outfitters, and Sears

If you enjoy slow cooking, you’ll love the 3-in-One Slow Cooker by Hamilton Beach. There are three different bowl sizes (2, 4, or 6 quarts) so you can cook a meal according to the number of guests you plan to have at the big holiday feast. The stoneware bowls are elegant enough to be placed right on the dinner table. For cocktail parties, make a mulled cider in the slow cooker and let guests help themselves.

$69.99 at major department and hardware stores Visit HamiltonBeach.ca to find a retailer.

Impress your guests by how quickly the turkey gets carved and ready for serving. The Electric Knife by Cuisinart is a handy gadget that easily slices through large cuts of meats. The handle is designed for a right- or left-handed person so the turkey-carving task can be done by just about anyone. Also comes with a second blade for bread slicing.

$59.99 at Home Depot

If you forgot to put the white wine in the fridge, the Single Bottle Wine Cooler by Koolatron will cool it for you in less than 30 minutes. The temperature can also be heated to up to 45°C which makes it great for warming up sake, too.

Serve your guests a perfectly brewed cup of coffee at dessert time using the Pro Grinder-Brewer KM 7000 by KRUPS. This hi-tech appliance automatically measures and grinds the right amount of beans so the coffee tastes the way your guests like it—mild, medium or strong. There’s even a programmable clock to set the machine to start brewing coffee at anytime—a great feature for the hostess who bustles around all evening!

$249.99 at The Bay and other leading kitchen and gourmet stores

$47.99 at Costco

As seen in the December Issue of Main Street Magazine.

Printed in Canada, ISSN: 1920-4299 by Rain Enterprises

To find out how to receive your free copy of MSM check out www.mainstreetmagazine.net

Ancient Mystic

Helen of Sparta and Troy

Some of you may have even seen Troy, the movie with Brad Pitt playing a very sensitive Achilles and Orlando Bloom as a painfully wussy Paris. I love that movie, despite the fact that it's only loosely based on recorded myth, but seeing Helen was a big downer for me. I mean, she was hot (and that was great given my feelings about most artistic representations of the heroine), but what's awesome about Helen is that no one every can really know her. That she is profoundly multi-dimensional and beyond any one telling. Which brings me to my own telling: what do I do? I will try to tell you as much as I can so that you can choose the aspects you like best and make her into the woman of your dreams, just as she was meant to be.

I'm here to tell you the story how those infamous thousand

ships got launched, but, since you can (and should) go ahead and read the Iliad to see the version focusing on such heroes as Achilles and Hector, I will begin with the woman who got the blame, and unlike Euripides' version, I will begin at the beginning.

Leda was the very beautiful Queen of Sparta and married to this dude Tyndareus by loved by that most fecund of all gods, Zeus himself. Only, this wasn't any ol' seduction, as you may remember, Zeus was quite creative, and in this case, he took the shape of a swan. Less than a year later, Leda laid two eggs. The first contained Helen and Polydeuces and the second held Clytemnestra and Castor (the idea being that Helen and her egg mate were Zeus' children, while the latter egg belonged to Tyndareus. Anyway, Helen grew up in Sparta getting more and more beautiful until just after she hit puberty and really began to follow in her mother's footsteps by getting abducted.

The abductor was the equally famous Theseus, King of Athens. He took her to Aphidna and they did their thing for a good while. One unlikely version says that their child was Iphigenia. At any rate, his goal of banging a daughter of Zeus now accomplished, the king moved on. But Helen was still a hot (in the slang sense) commodity, and her family - especially her brothers who were heroes in their own right - wanted her back. Castor and Polydeuces (the Dioscuri) attacked Athens and got Helen back and even took some girl slaves of their own while they were there. Back at the ranch, Clytemnestra was already married (first to Tantalus and then to Agamemnon who we will see later) but Helen, well, now that she was home her unmarried status became an immediate problem. As Mr. Robert Bell says, "Every red-blooded male in Greece who had heard of the gorgeous Helen dreamed of possessing her." And that was an economic problem for Daddy Tyndareus who had to pay for all the suitors coming to visit.

Alternatively, the rule of Sparta was matrilineal and thus she was such a hot ticket because she also brought with her in marriage one of the most successful cities on the continent. Either way, she had a lot of suitors. Fortunately for Tyndareus, when Odysseus came (and ended up walking out with Penelope, Helen's cousin), he made a suggestion that suitors be required to swear an oath:

Whoever Tyndareus chose to be Helen's husband must be respected by the rest, and more than that, ready to defend that relationship against anyone who would try to steal her away.

Turns out, Tyndareus chose Menelaus. Menelaus kinda sucked. He was kind of like a noble, not-to-attractive, rich scrub (since most of his power and money came from his powerful brother Agamemnon - remember? the one that married Clytemnestra?). Yeah, well, anyway, when his granddad died he went for some rituals and met Paris (aka Alexander) and took him home and then LEFT him there while he took a trip to Crete. What?!? Well, I suppose he felt safe given the oath of the suitors. Well, Paris had a different kind of advantage given to him by the goddess Aphrodite herself.

You ready for the abduction? Hah! Not yet. First she cranked out 4-5 kids. Menelaus' kids. Or possibly Menelaus' and a handy hunky slave's kids. Don't feel bad for Menelaus, kids; he was cheating on her when he was out mourning his grandfather. So, yes. Helen was a MILF. Incidentally, while Menelaus was out purifying himself one day (there was a famine, and if you've read Oedipus Tyrannos you know it's gotta be the king's fault) and he brought home Paris (aka Alexander aka Orlando Bloom). Now Paris was already convinced that he had been given Helen by Aphrodite, but he didn't mention that to Menelaus. Instead he bided his time and when the moment seemed right ... that is, the moment Menelaus left Paris in the house while he left town (this is a very Mafia moment here). Young, dashing, arrogant Paris was actually given extra hotness by Aphrodite to seal the deal and off they went in his ship back to Thebes. Now, I feel like I owe it to Helen to explain that there are a number of different versions of the "abduction". Some say it was by force, some say she went willingly, some remember that Aphrodite had cursed both daughters of Tyndareus to be unfaithful and hey look, she was already sleeping with slaves!, mostly, though, they say she fell in love. Even if she was in love, there was a whole lot of sorrow in her life and her relationships hurt a lot of people, not least of all Helen. __

© Copyright, 2010 Main Street Magazine/Rain Enterprises
As seen in the December Issue of Main Street Magazine.
Printed in Canada, ISSN: 1920-4299 by Rain Enterprises

To find out how to receive your free copy of MSM check out
www.mainstreetmagazine.net

Poetic Musings

Reaching for White
By Lisa Shields

The sun rose on fields
snow blown and misted
ghostly swirls and dervishes.
No fog this---
for fog simply lies.
No---this was living
as it arched and twisted,
fingering out to the road
and reaching for me
like the shade of a beloved friend.
There was white inside,
trying to seep out of pores,
I felt it strain
trying to mesh and meld
with this sentient wraith
fingers touching
joining
and suddenly
I am the morning mist
dancing in the crystal air.

© Copyright, 2010 Main Street Magazine/Rain Enterprises
As seen in the November Issue of Main Street Magazine.
Printed in Canada, ISSN: 1920-4299 by Rain Enterprises

To find out how to receive your free copy of MSM check out
www.mainstreetmagazine.net

kiss - I Was Made For Loving You

Fun and Easy Crafts

Create Instant Artwork

Creative Paper Picture Matting
Use leftover paper as a makeshift mat board. Simply measure your scraps and piece them together in a patchwork pattern. Customize the frame with photos and journaling.

Paper-Lined Jars
The difference is in the details. Cover the insides of plastic or glass jars and containers with patterned paper. Cut to size, place inside, and secure with tape. Cover a grouping of jars and display together

Pretty Desk Organizer
Take your desk organizer from plain to pretty with paper scraps. Start with a clear acrylic desk organizer. Cut scraps according to size of the organizer spaces. Play with patterns and colors to create a fun look. Adhere to the bottom of the container with tape. These can be easily switched when your decor changes.

Gift Embellishments
With Christmas right around the corner you might want to try some homemade gift wrap. Adorn gifts with repurposed paper details. Tie up packages with pretty ribbons. Stamp on plain or patterned paper. Cut around the design and adhere to the gift or use as a tag.

Treat Baskets
Another great Christmas idea!
Make little baskets for anyone deserving of a special treat. Cut paper in a circle. Make two cuts to the center so that one-fourth of the circle is removed. Wrap the paper in a cone and adhere. Punch holes near the top to lace through a ribbon handle. Fill with treats for any occasion, these are great for your child's teacher, you can customized the paper with a theme, names or other funky ideas. And there is no limit to the goodies you can put inside.

© Copyright, 2010 Main Street Magazine/Rain Enterprises
As seen in the November Issue of Main Street Magazine.
Printed in Canada, ISSN: 1920-4299 by Rain Enterprises

To find out how to receive your free copy of MSM check out
www.mainstreetmagazine.net

10 Affordable ways to De-Stress

Whether you’re an executive, an assistant juggling 10 high-level bosses, or a receptionist dealing with difficult customers, any can be overwhelming and stressful. Learning how to manage stress and channel it through positive means is vital, not just for a successful career, but for your happiness and well-being too.

If you don’t take time to unwind, constant stress can lead to a number of physical and psychological problems, like poor concentration, depression, back pain and weight gain. It also weakens your immune system and increases your risk for cancer and cardiovascular disease.

1. Do Something You Did All the Time as a Kid
Do you ever long for those days when your biggest concerns were nap time, recess and Saturday morning cartoons? You’d build pillow forts at slumber parties, climb the biggest tree in your neighbourhood and catch fireflies at night. It’s amazing how much less complicated life was back in the day.
Just because you’re all grown up now doesn’t mean you can’t still partake in the simple joys of childhood. Turn off your Blackberry, disconnect from the internet, and act like a kid whenever you can. Revel in the refreshing nostalgia, and feel the positive associations and memories melt away your stress.
If you have kids of your own, have them participate in these activities with you. Ride a bike to the park. Start a pick-up kickball game with your family or friends. Make a snowman in the wintertime. The possibilities (and your imagination) are endless.
Cost: Free

2. Volunteer Your Time or Expertise
One of the best feelings in the world is giving back to others. As an administrative professional, you have tons of knowledge and experience and can work in any field, so why not share your skills with someone else? Volunteering can be something small – like reading a story to young cancer patients one day a month. It can also benefit your career. No matter what you do, you can be content to know that you’ve made a difference in someone’s life.
Not only is volunteering incredibly fulfilling, it’s also a great resume builder. If you’re a recent grad or career changer, volunteering can give you valuable training and hands-on experience to jump start your career – you can even offer administrative services like business writing to charity organizations in need.
Non-profit associations are always looking for more help, so even if you can only donate 5 hours a month, your time will be very much appreciated and well worth the effort.

Cost: Reading at your local hospital or cleaning up litter at your favourite park costs next to nothing (just factor in the transportation costs and pack your own lunch). Volunteering abroad may cost the price of airfare and lodging.
You can also Google “volunteer” and your town.

3. Stretch, Breathe and Meditate
It’s hard not to feel stressed and overworked by the hectic pace of a hyper-connected society that moves at the speed of social networking. Before you go into meltdown mode, hit pause, relax and take a breather.
Even if yoga’s not your thing, basic meditation, stretching and breathing techniques, though seemingly simple, can work wonders for your stress relief. When you stress out, tension is stored in your body, causing pain and tightness, especially in your back and shoulders. Stretching will get your body loose and your circulation flowing in full force again.
To meditate, find a relaxing atmosphere, sit on level ground (find a cushion if uncomfortable), close your eyes, relax every muscle and breathe deeply with your abdomen, not your chest. Focus on each inhale and exhale to exclude other thoughts and quiet your mind.

Cost: Free
More Info: Google “how to meditate” or visit How-to-Meditate.org

4. Hang Out With Your Funniest Friend
It’s been scientifically proven that laughter is both preventive and therapeutic. It decreases your stress hormone levels and boosts healthy hormones, like endorphins, strengthening your immune system. You even get a mini workout for your abs, diaphragm and your shoulders.
Not only will laughing with your friend boost your mood, it’ll take your mind off all the stressors in your life. It offers a release from the pent-up emotions and frustrations you may be feeling, and the emotional bonding will boost your self-esteem and feeling of connectedness to others.
Laughter really is the best medicine, so call up your funniest friend and hang out. You’ll be glad you did.

Cost: Free

5. SLEEP
Nothing beats a good night’s rest. Impatient customers calling you non-stop? Holier-than-thou coworkers bossing you around? Many administrative professionals bring their troubles home with them and that equals more stress for you and your loved ones. Why not sleep it off? Getting even 30 minutes of shut eye can help you relax and put your problems in perspective.
If you’re going to try to sleep off your stress, make sure you’ve got surroundings that promote good quality rest. A dark, cool, quiet room with few electronics is best. Feeling antsy but still want to rest? Try a cup of Valerian Root or chamomile tea. A warm bath can also help put you in a restful state of mind.

Cost: Free
More Info: National Sleep Foundation

6. Visit the Shooting Range
Does your stress ever turn into rage, and you want to rip your hair out and scream? Before you tear down your curtains and punch that hole in your wall, consider paying a visit to your local shooting range.
There’s something curiously calming about loading a gun, aiming, squeezing the trigger and hearing the bullets rip holes into a paper target. Not only does it release the physical tension that’s been building up from your stress, but you also get the satisfaction of taking home your target and showing off your killer aiming skills to your friends.
Shooting ranges generally charge by the hour, and the prices are reasonable if you have your own gun. Renting a gun isn’t that much more expensive, but if you wanted to take a class, they’re a bit pricey, ranging from $40 to $65.

Cost: $10-18/hour if you have your own gun; Renting a gun can be $10-20/hour extra; Classes run $40-65
More Info: Google “shooting range” and your town.

7. Buy Cheap Paints or an Art Project at a Hobby Store
Looking at art definitely has its calming effects, but it’s not always just about the product. You don’t have to be Picasso to get the health benefits of producing beautiful works of art either. People who make art as a hobby find that the process of self-expression through unwinding and creating art can be extremely soothing as well.
Artistic self-expression originates from Sigmund Freud and Carl Jung, who theorized that the power of imagery could tap into the thoughts, memories and feelings of a person, whether conscious or unconscious. Art therapy is thus frequently used in hospitals, clinics and rehab facilities to promote physical, emotional and mental wellbeing via creative expression.
Making art helps lessen anxiety, stress and depression, and promote self-awareness, self-esteem and insight into your life. You can pick up reasonably priced art supplies or art kits at any hobby store. Just set aside an art space, turn on some relaxing music and paint to your health.

Cost: $7-25
More Info: Google “art store” or “hobby store” and your town.

8. Cook a Delicious Dinner with Items You Have in Your Fridge
America’s “Fast Food Nation” mentality has us ploughing through processed, barely digestible microwave dinners and super-sized extra value meals. Not only is our physique suffering, our stress and anxiety levels are off the charts. Everything around us, even food, is moving at the speed of light.
Back up, slow down and consider taking the time to cook your next meal with simple items you already have in your fridge and cupboards. Cooking takes patience and persistence. The process of chopping, measuring, stirring and sautéing can be incredibly therapeutic.
Check what ingredients you have in your kitchen, and look up a recipe (see below). Pick something simple to make, so the preparation and cleanup don’t stress you out. Let the culinary sensations, like scent, sight and touch mesmerize you. Finally, take pride in the sense of accomplishment as you slowly enjoy your delicious meal.

Cost: Free
More Info: Visit any of these websites to get recipes based on ingredients that you have:
• Allrecipes.com
• Cookingbynumbers.com
• Bigoven.com
• Recipematcher.com
• Supercook.com

9. Go on a Hike or Go to the Park
Sometimes we get so caught up in traffic, shopping malls and the hustle and bustle of everyday life that we forget to stop and smell the flowers. But when Ralph Waldo Emerson said “adopt the pace of nature,” he wasn’t being poetic—he was being entirely scientific.
Science has proven time and time again how the psychological benefits of nature can calm the brain and better your mood and concentration. Hospital patients recover faster when they have a view of trees and flowers from their window, and children with attention-deficit disorder exhibit less symptoms in a natural environment.
So get back to basics, and enjoy nature. Bring a blanket to the park and lie out, or go for a hike and take in the scenery. Bask in the sun, breathe in the fresh air, and appreciate all the colourful simplicity of the outdoors. Your brain’s health depends on it.

Cost: Mostly free (Some parks/hiking grounds may charge $3-5)
More Info: Check out this great interactive park directory or just Google “hiking trail” or “park” and your town.

10. Take a Bath with Candles and Aromatherapy
The recuperative and healing properties of water have many stress-relieving benefits and allow the body to fall into a deeper sleep. Submerging in a bath tub relieves your body from the constant pull of gravity, and heated water relaxes muscle tension, improving circulation, range of motion and energy flow.
Melt away your stress by creating a mini spa in your bathroom. Turn on soothing music, dim the lights, light candles and prepare fresh towels. The music will drown out household sounds that you may associate with everyday stressors, and relaxed lighting can go a long way when creating a peaceful mood. You can pick up high-end aromatherapy bubble bath soap, skin-moisturizing oils and exfoliating body scrubs on the cheap at your local discount stores.
Most importantly, make arrangements for your well-deserved uninterrupted solitude. Turn off your cell phone, log out of email and if you have roommates or family around, tell them to leave you alone for an hour or two. Be sure to prepare your bed beforehand so you have a nice, comfy space to crawl into after your bath.

Cost: $4-18, depending on how many spa items you want to buy

Romantic Ideas for Men

Romantic Ideas for Women:

Quick Tips for Writing Love Letters

"How to Dress and Flatter Your Inverted Triangle Body Shape.Let's Create More Curves!"

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"How to Dress and Flatter Your Inverted Triangle Body Shape.
Let's Create More Curves!"