Maybe it's been a while since you've dated? It's natural to feel nervous and scared about dating again. Even though things seem foreign to you now, you'll eventually begin to navigate the dating waters like a pro. The first thing is to give yourself space to learn some new dating skills and practice the art of approaching people. Don't expect things to click into place immediately. Learning the proper way to go about finding a relationship will take some time and effort, but that's not a bad thing. Start with asking yourself some tough questions, why are you dating? Do you want a friend for companionship? Sometimes ‘outing’s’ just need someone to share it with. Do you miss the sexual or affectionate side of having a partner? Do you want to just meet new people? Maybe it is all of the above, and maybe more than one partner is required, after all we aren’t always attracted to our ‘friends’ are we?
Step one:
Practice.
It is okay, perfect in fact to practice dating, especially if you have not dated in awhile. Go on as many dates as you can to learn how to date again. Go on- put yourself out there, ask your co-workers to set you up, check out a dating site, and strike up a conversation at a café or the grocery store. Like anything else, practice makes perfect, and if you look at every new date you have as a learning experience, practice, eventually you will hit on a person in whom you want to spend more time with.
Bad dates are good learning opportunities, do not take it personally, there are many reasons why a date was bad, and the bottom line is- you just did not mesh. You will not be for everybody, and everybody will not be for you. You do not want to get too serious about the first person you meet anyway, as nice as it is to curl up on the couch with our blankie and romance movie, life is real, not a Hollywood script.
Falling in love with people too easily is a natural outcome when you're new to dating again, this is where the big caution light comes on- do not confuse loneliness’ with love, and do not settle! .Truly meeting the right person will take time, and you shouldn’t rush it, besides there are lots of benefits to the single life.
When you're thrown in the dating world again it can seem as if you need to hurry and find someone new or your life just won't be complete. But don't sell yourself short by trying to rush something that isn't right. Have fun and be true to you, even if you suspect that you probably won't be with your date forever, appreciate the fact you are having a great new conversation, and meeting different people. Keep it light, you do not have to know everything about the person you are with, nor do they have to know everything about you. Share only what your comfortable with.
When we're back in the dating world, it can seem refreshing to talk about our previous long-term relationship and the possible causes for its failure. Save it for your trusted friends, they will be sure to give you the straight goods anyway, either validating that you aren't to blame for their previous relationship ending, (what you want to hear), or that you screwed up, the truth is usually somewhere in the middle! Dating is about the new; do not drag the past with you!
Now is the time to rediscover yourself, often in a relationship you get use to the way you and your former partner always did things. It's natural for couples to get into a routine when they've been together for a long time. But now that you are back in the dating world you can have fun being flexible. Make a list of all the things ‘you’ wanted to do but didn’t because you compromised in your other relationship and start doing them, with someone or alone.
Dating again can be scary, but it can also be fun, it really is about your attitude!
ALWAYS use caution when meeting a new person, meet them, DO NOT have them pick you up or take you home. Double dates are great if you are uncomfortable and safe, do not give out your personal information, and use common sense!
Next month:
Advice on how to spot if someone is not who or what they seem!
© Copyright, 2010 Main Street Magazine/Rain Enterprises
As seen in the May Issue of Main Street Magazine.
Printed in Canada, ISSN: 1920-4299 by Rain Enterprises
For your Free copy of MSM go to www.mainstreetmagazine.net
