My Story
Cancer can be beaten
Tilly Rivers
Roll back time: The year is 2005.
I thought it was the flu. It sure seemed like ‘flu like’ symptoms to me, after a few days I went to the doctor, she did not seem concerned either, routine blood work, tests. Something abnormal showed up in my blood test, they want more tests, another doctor.
This was the cycle of my life for awhile, tests, doctors. Finally I sat in a room, I will never forget that day, although I forgot the doctor’s name, maybe because he did not seem like a ‘person’ at all, but a human robot that has been trained to deliver the worst news.
“I’m sorry Ms. Rivers,” he said in a voice that surely you had to practice, how can you sound so non-feeling, so ‘sterile?’- “there isn’t anything we can do.” I was told that I would have between six months and a year to live. I had a rare strain of leukemia.
I did a calculation in my head, if it was six months to the day, I would literally die on my birthday. I remember how devoid of colour the room was. I thought: this is the place they tell you-you are dying? Where’s the colour? The joy? Where are the signs of life? Where are the signs of hope and reminders of how beautiful live is?!
Like in the movies, the background disappeared, I knew he was still talking, home health care set up- words- but they faded, my own thoughts were much stronger, my mind yelled, NO, I have the flu for fuck sakes! I eat right, I exercise, I do not smoke, this is wrong, this is WRONG!
I left in a numb shock, torn between the greatest anger I have ever known, and the greatest sadness. I thought of my Mom, at the time we had just lost my father, I thought of my children, they still had so much living and loving to do, I thought of my siblings and family and friends and career.
I thought of how much I use to hate the winter, and cupped my hand and let the snowflake fall inside thinking it was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen, and I thought again- that no, this is wrong, this can’t be the last time I see the snow fall!
I went home and cried. I cried with sobs that shook my body and hurt my soul. No, the word repeated inside me. There is a mistake.
There wasn’t.
I made the decision not to tell anyone, that I was going to be strong and not inflict pain and hurt on my family. Time pasted and I told my “x” thinking that he would need to be there for the kids. That turned out to be a mistake as he told them, his friends and everyone else. I told my Mom before someone else did.
I had no idea at the time that my mom was battling her own fight with cancer, colon cancer in the early stages, I am guessing, undedicated and unknown until 2009. She sat so quiet, strong for me, loving. Believing that her baby girl would be fine, having faith that all would be well.
I refused home health care; I was still capable of being me. I refused to give in. I went on with my life as if I wasn’t sick, I believed in my heart I wasn’t sick, I carried on with my writing career, I continued to run my publishing company. I LIVED!
Six months came and went, one year, than two—three. The stress of the publishing company was starting to get to me, I was feeling stressed and fatigued, and it was time to let it go. I learned a lot about me and my walk, that if it did not bring me happiness, it was not worth doing. When making any decisions I ask, will this make me happy? If the answer is no, or I don’t know, the answer is- don’t do it!
A great guy came in my life and we started another business together and a bonding friendship and love that can never be broken. I wrote books, hosted radio shows- continued to be successful while doing all the things I loved.
2009- I knew something was wrong. I was tired all the time, and was out-of-whack. My body was talking and I needed to listen. The cycle again, doctor’s, tests, new doctor’s, new tests. I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. The doctor was great, gentle, caring and wonderful! He explained that with my history the risks were high. I agreed to the emergency surgery. He did his duty an explained that there was a 90% chance that I would not survive the operation, a fact, that until now I kept to myself.
But I knew differently. I believe in life. I believe in smiles and love and the ultimate power of mind and energy, and I knew that it was not my time for the universe still wants me here! There was more love to give and receive and explore, more adventures in ultimate sexual connections, more of “everything”, I have so much more-living to do!
I had the operation on Tuesday, September 15, 2009. I came home Thursday, September 17, 2009!
Not only was the doctor able to scrap and remove all the yuck from my system that I did not invite or accept, but my blood is 100% NORMAL!
I went home believing I was cancer free.
I AM!
Thank you for all the universal love that I was able to tap into. You are part of that love, each time you smile, laugh and give joy.
I refused to dwell on “sick’ and rarely spoke about it. Not once, but twice I refused to give in, instead I focused on seeing the blessings everyday, and in the end life blessed and will continue to bless me!
This is my story.
Today is September 24, 2009.
I will see you through out the next twenty years! Be sure to mark it in your calendar to watch!
Love and kisses ~T~
