Main Street Magazine
June 2009
Are you Married to a Jerk?
Do you Love and Dislike Your Spouse at the Same Time?
By Sheri and Bob Stritof
It happens to a lot to people. You fall in love. The romantic phase blinds you to your partner's imperfections. Your spouse is a jerk.
You think your mate will change. You hope that in time the difficult aspects of your spouse's jerky personality will go away. But it doesn't happen.
You find yourself in love with a person you can't stand and don't like. Comments from others like "You should have known better..." or "Didn't you see it while dating..." won't help when living with a jerk. Should you throw in the towel when the handsome prince turns into a toad? Or is there hope for such a marriage?
There is hope for this type of situation. However, it does take honest and caring communication.
types of difficult spouses
· The Know-it-All
· The Negative Thinker
· The Criticizer
· The Wishy-Washy Type
· The Silent Clam
· The Bully
· The Sickening Sweet Personality
· The Procrastinator
· The Self-centered and Selfish Person
· The Demanding Type
· The Joker
· The Embarrassing Spouse
Personality compatibility is an important characteristic of happy couples. Irritating habits and activities of a jerk can drive you up the wall just like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet. If ignored, it only gets worse.
coping strategies if you've married a jerk
· Recognize you can't change your spouse. You can only change your reactions and responses.
· Reinforce positive behavior. When you spouse does something right, say so!
· Maintain eye contact when stating your own opinions and feelings. Be prepared so you know what you want to say before you say it.
· Be straight forward and clear in your communications with your spouse.
· Make time to be alone together such as taking walks.
· Don't place blame. It only creates defensiveness. Use "I" statements.
· Try and focus on the positive. Looking only at the negative behaviors in your spouse can be self-fulfilling.
· Be honest about yourself. If you make a mistake, admit it.
· Listen with both your heart and your mind
Sheri and Bob Stritof have been married for 44 years, and bring firsthand experience and passion to their marriage writing.
Experience:
Sheri and Bob have been presenting workshops on marriage for more than 30 years. They have been quoted as experts in numerous publications, including the Chicago Sun Times and the Washington Post. They have also been interviewed by several radio stations including XM Radio and Dublin FM98. Sheri and Bob are the authors of an advice book, The Everything Great Marriage Book (Adams Media).
Education:
Bob and Sheri received post-graduate training in family ministry at Regis College in Denver.
From Sheri & Bob Stritof:
Married in 1963, we do remember the joy of discovering one another, the concerns that parenting together can bring the challenge of working together, the mixed feelings of having an empty nest, the wonder of being grandparents, and the delight of having a happy marriage.
We also know the heartache of having an unhappy marriage. Early in our marriage we were divorced from one another for nearly two years before we remarried each other. Thankfully, we learned communication skills that helped us build our marriage on a firm foundation. This article was also posted on about.com
